Six things mentally strong people do. Apparently.
What are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments.
I'll break down my thoughts here.
1. They move on. They don't waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
Accurate, I'd also add that this doesn't mean they don't stop. Have a self-pity party and then move on. Reflect on your challenges, taking a moment to recognise, yeah, it's been tough. I've struggled. I am human. That's not "wasting" time. I've always said you can't appreciate the highs if you've never experienced the lows. You also can't experience the highs if stuck in the lows. That's wasting time.
When I had my accident, I was intubated for six days. I woke up with tubes down my throat, so I kept breathing. The next day, tubes gone, more coherent. The ward psychologist came to visit. She visits all trauma patients. Within 15 minutes, I had her laughing and commenting on how positive my outlook was. I was saying. Get me on my feet, get me out of here and back to living and work.
Focusing on not being able to walk. It was not an option for me. It took roughly six months. But I pushed myself. Trying to move around using furniture etc., before I even had clearance. Once home, I set my goal. I was driving my first day back home. No one said I couldn't. No one said I could either, but I focus on what I'm told (when it suits me), and I wasn't told either way, so I drove. Once I could drive to the shops, walk into the shopping centre, buy a small number of groceries and walk back. That's when the wheelchair stayed in the car.
Once I could do that every day for a week. After that, I sent the wheelchair back.
As a crutch, the wheelchair is a crutch. My physiotherapist was pleased; he said something along the lines of accepting your situation could prevent you from healing and getting stronger.
Suppose I'd accepted that my legs were a mangled mess, and I needed that wheelchair. Every chance, six years on, I'd still be in that wheelchair.
What "crutch" are you clinging to holding you back?
2. They embrace change. They welcome challenges.
100%. I came across a quote in my early work days.
Resisting change is like resisting to breathe.
If you succeed,
you die.
Since that day, I have been an agent for change. Welcoming it and bringing it wherever I can. Things change constantly. Change brings us out of our comfort zone; it challenges us.
You can't control all change, but you can influence some and guide it, so it's not chaotic. You can’t control the rest; let chaos reign for a while.
Not all change is good, but all change will have a silver lining; sometimes, you must look hard to see it. Sometimes, it takes stepping back and viewing things objectively, removing the emotional response from the equation, and assessing it logically.
All change will, at the very least, teach you a lesson. Promote personal growth.
Change is where the magic happens.
Change your perception of change, and watch how your life starts to... change.
3. They stay happy. They don't waste energy on things they can't control.
Let's address the first bit.
They stay happy.
Bullshit. No one stays happy. Not all the time. I consider myself, generally, a happy person. But, I don't "stay happy". Not even for one whole day.
We have such a wide range of emotions that we often struggle to find the words for what we are feeling and how we feel.
Many years ago, I did an NLP certification course. Back when it was very controversial. People were saying it was evil. Side note. It's a tool. Tools aren't "evil”; people are evil. They use a tool for incorrect and or malicious purposes.
One of my biggest takeaways from the course.
Your emotions are just that. Your emotions. You own them.
They don't control you. You control them.
This isn't to say don't experience them. It's actually the opposite. When you are feeling a certain way, pause for a second.
My favourite example is anger.
Why are you feeling angry?
Is the current situation and/or the other person really the source of this anger?
Does this person deserve your anger?
Does getting angry help resolve this situation?
Would this usually make you angry?
If they are, and they do. You express your anger healthily. You don't "lose your temper."
Just pause to ask yourself at least one of these questions. It will help you ascertain if it is this person or you've just had a bad day, and your boss made you angry.
Taking that second helps to alter your mood and the rest of the day for the better.
It also changes the world of everyone you encounter. It changes THEIR world.
Look at you changing the world by doing one simple thing.
4. They are kind, fair and unafraid to speak up.
You don't have to be mentally strong to be kind and fair.
It makes it easier, sure. But we've all been there when we've been struggling. By the way, if you are struggling mentally, this in no way means you are weak.
The strength in being strong mentally is how you respond. It's how you get back up again.
Like everything in life, nothing is black and white.
Except for piano keys.
And Zebras.
Penguins.
Newspapers.
Not even the saying "nothing is black and white" is black and white.
My point. There's a wide range of colours in between. A spectrum. Some people will be mentally tougher than others. Those people may struggle in a situation where others who thought they were weaker mentally didn't find an issue. We should stop comparing ourselves to anyone but our past selves to challenging ourselves to be better.
The good news is that you can get stronger mentally. It is something you can improve upon. How? Taking on challenges. Getting out of your comfort zone and accepting change.
Magic.
5. They are willing to take calculated risks.
The key word here. Calculated.
Everything we do has some risk attached to it.
You can die on the way to work. The risk calculated is low. So, unfortunately, off we go.
We are staying in that job for life that we hate and being miserable. High risk, but many of us still do this. Why?
The fear of change? We calculate that we have bills to pay and mouths to feed. We calculate that risk, as with most, with a short equation. Sometimes, you need to expand that equation and show your working out and how you got your answer.
If you're miserable, you will make others miserable. Changing their world for the worse, and they may leave as a result.
Is that in the equation? Did you calculate that risk?
Now, what's your answer?
I'd suggest making a change. Take that calculated risk.
6. They celebrate other people's success. They don't resent that success.
I don't think you have to be mentally strong to celebrate someone's success. That's just being a good person.
Not resenting that success is different and not so easy at times. However, it is something to work towards. Resentment breeds anger. Anger breeds fear. Fear resists change.
What happens when we don't change.
No damn magic, that's for sure.
Get out there and find your magic.
I know you can do it.
I believe in you.